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[This is a guest post]
My story is so similar to others here. I left my job, that I loved, as a pediatrician 10 years ago. I had worked hard to be the superhero employee and mom (and she cooks a great lassagna) and held up great for years. Eventually, with two kids in school and an unbelievably busy job, I was exhausted. My husband (now ex) was a very busy research doctor who traveled constantly.
Long story short, I’m now 56, divorced and need a job. My youngest child just turned 18. Getting back into medicine is prohibitively expensive and the route is unclear. My biggest problem is how demoralized I am. I once had it all.
It is so good to read the stories here. Thank you for this blog.
Carol Kennon
Albuquerque, NM
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I’m one month into my redesigned life as a physician mom and simultaneous physician business owner who traded in a nanny for an online business manager. As each day passes, I feel myself reaching out more and more to touch and stroke the textures of my life.
There is the start to the morning – a brief lie-in as I catch the news headlines and drink the welcome cup of tea brought to my bedside by my dear husband who knows I can’t open my eyes until that first sip. As I lie enshrouded in semi-sleep and the warmth of the winter sheets, I keep hoping my eight-year-old daughter will join me, as she used to. But her re-energized body is eager for the day and she has bounded downstairs to raid the pantry, hoping I won’t notice the Oreo crumbs later.
A quick scan of my e-mail lets me know if any of the day’s plans have changed, or if there’s pending excitement – a new introduction? A potential new client? A new networking opportunity?
Downstairs, as I prepare breakfast, I glance at the cat stretched out in the small patch of sunshine that spills through the sliding door. I hear the crinkle of the newspaper and the tap of my husband’s spoon in his cereal bowl as he multitasks, both eating and reading. My Energizer Bunny is practicing cartwheels or trying on the new blond wig that came in the mail yesterday.
Suddenly, my house is quiet. The office stands at the ready with its papers, scheduler, multicolored calendar, folders and glowing computer screen. My glasses rest quietly by my keyboard, waiting for me – I’m darned if I can recall the moment when they became indispensable!
Many hours later, a notice pops up on my screen letting me know it’s that time – time to pick my daughter up from school. Time for that moment I’ve been yearning for, for the last year, and am now privileged to enjoy. And there’s no wiggle room. No last-minute quick phone call or dashed-off e-mail. She’ll be standing outside, hopping on one leg or swinging her school bag, waiting for me 15 minutes from now.
As the early wintry dusk closes in, and the heater thumps into life, I stand at the kitchen island preparing evening salads, listening to my daughter’s tuneless humming and watching her tongue angle its way across her lips as she bestows her fierce concentration on homework.
Oops - there goes a cartwheel between subjects. And then I hear the magic words “Mommy, did I tell you about …?”
This precious moment is why I no longer desire outside help!
[This is a guest post]
“Well, this may be more that any of you want to know.
I am a 52 year gastroenterologist, married to a gastroenterologist, who chose to be a full time mom 10 years ago when my daughter was 10 and my son 8 years old. My son was accepting of our chaotic life, but our daughter was not. She was miserable and had grown up never knowing when we’d be home, who would feed her dinner or take her to swimming or piano lessons or worse—who would tuck her in to bed.
I began to imagine that if something happened to us, our children would have only known us like this—would have only known this life. I tried getting rid of the nanny and cutting back but trying to pick up your second and fourth grader on time when your cases are delayed, or referring physicians are angry because this patient only wanted a woman and you are leaving at 3 pm —well it became unbearable. Additionally, my practice changed. All the emergent straightforward cases with fun procedures went to my partners because they were available and I began to have only chronic difficult cases that would wait months to see me. Everyday I brought work home to finish after the kids went to bed.
My husband and I spent a month getting up at 4:30 am with a pot of coffee trying to figure out the best solution.
Move? Join a bigger group with less call in a larger city? Go back to a clinic position in academics? We loved where we lived, the practice we had started was growing and very successful—what to do?
We felt we had to get our family in line, before our daughter got any older. My husband is and was very supportive but when I suggested job sharing, he made it clear that he’d had 10 years of weekends home alone with the kids when I was on call and he was NOT spending any more time at home. He used to say when I was on call ” Hey —that’s my patient anyway— I’ll just go in”……
So, I quit at 42 years old. It was a shock, but the kids were appreciative and happy. Our life changed dramatically.
Our daughter changed , our marriage got better, we began to live and it was the right decision for us.
I kept my privileges and malpractice for two years, but we knew within three months this was right and I would stay home until they left for college.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t feel remorse. There are feelings of isolation from what you know and what you’ve earned. People are bombarding you with their judgements of wasting space in medical school or wasting knowledge. I simply said, “Well patients can find another doctor, my kids can’t find another mother.”
Our kids, at 18 and 20, still tell me they are glad I stayed home with them.
This, of course, raises all kinds of future conflict for them. They both want to have 3 or 4 children and be a huge part of their children’s lives. Our daughter is in college in pre-med and her brother wants to do research. She (actually both of them) could probably teach a course on women’s issues and decision making with all the time we’ve spent on this topic. In a nutshell, we talk about being realistic with the field you pick, the contract you sign, the city you live in and its resources, the spouse you marry and their work and children expectations, maybe not living where you want, but to be near extended family (that you get along with),and not over extending yourself like both my husband and I did.
Our daughter hated every nanny we had—- so this will be interesting, unless, her husband stays home :-)
As for me, it will be 20 years since my GI boards and I am letting them lapse. I have thought about multiple medical and nonmedical career options. Re-entry programs are becoming more and more popular.
But it’s hard—I’ve grown accustomed to being home and having 10 teenagers just show up.
I love having one of our kids call me on a whim and want to meet for lunch. I have three golden retrievers that I walk every day—and it is soulful.
My husband loves having me home, taking care of everything in our lives and it’s calm and organized. We’ve lived the other. He cringes at the thought of it just being the two of us and having to deal with a second work schedule again.
I look back and see options that we could have tried, but that too can go on forever.
So it’s about trying to make it work as much as you can and then deciding what you need out of your own life.”
I started the New Year in a whole new mode - no more regular nanny!
This is a big step for me, as I have pretty much had a nanny working full-time since my daughter was three weeks old. These have been busy years, birthing and then raising a child and a business at the same time.
As my daughter neared her eighth birthday, and we faced the decision of hiring yet another full-time nanny, I acknowledged the ache I’ve been feeling at how fast my daughter’s childhood is passing. Where did the last eight years go?
At first ambivalent, and then with excitement and enthusiasm, I made the decision to confine my work hours to those when my daughter is in school. Give or take a few days here and there when I might need some childcare to support a few early morning or late afternoon business activities!
Well, the first week is under way, and I’m reporting in.
It feels both strange, and strangely freeing, to be watching the clock near school pickup time, knowing that there is no leeway. I have to be in that line at the time that school comes out!
How glad my heart is to spot my daughter, hair askew, socks down by her ankles and backpack twirling, as I pull up to the curb. How filled with delight my ears are to listen to her prattling in the back of the car on the way home, to the strains of Kesha or Lady Gaga or Katy Perry. How much I won’t be missing, any more…
Of course, this choice is going to demand heightened efficiency — the early-morning fridge-toaster-lunchbox dance to get a somewhat nutritious school meal together, the rapid e-mail review and response between breakfast and teeth brushing to get set for my own work day, the concentrated effort to tackle my task list between coaching calls, and the superhuman attempt to find 30 or 45 minutes to exercise. For a physician business owner who’s also a mom, I’m discovering that every moment counts.
I’m even writing this blog article while my daughter is at an after-school play date.
I’ll keep you posted… And I’m taking all suggestions from physician moms who figured this work part-time and be around for the kids thing out :-)
[This is a guest post]
“I’m so glad to find this website. I thought that I was one of only a handful of women who “took the leap” to stay at home. I finished residency 18 months ago and have been at home with my toddler since then. I was so tired when I finished, I couldn’t imagine going full-time. Part-time work has been harder to find than I thought, and now, I’m increasingly being told that if I don’t do something, anything, I may never be hired. Has anyone out there successfully gone back to clinical practice after being at home for awhile? I miss seeing patients, but I don’t want to want to miss these early years with my son.”
[This is a guest post]
“Thanks Philippa. This is the first place I’ve found that describes how I’m feeling. I’m an almost 40, increasingly disillusioned, part time ophthalmologist (about 30 hrs per week) who is married to an extremely overworked nephrologist. I’m also primary caregiver to two beautiful kids(9 & 5). I think I should feel lucky, but usually I just feel anxious and divided. I just want to enjoy my kids and help them whenever they need me, but at the same time I fear I will look back with regret at leaving my career behind after they have flown the nest. I’m really tired of this battle of my heart!”
dianezeigler asked: Dear Philippa
I've enjoyed your blog since I discovered it, and I thought it most appropriate that I reach out to you about a new book coming out that is right up your alley. new book, which is due out soon, published by Chelsea Green Publishing, whom I am a publicist for. I signed up for Tumblr just so I can send you this message; not sure you will receive it.
"The Color of Atmosphere: One Doctor's Journey In and Out of Medicine" is written by Dr. Maggie Kozel's - she had a 17 year career as a pediatrician before leaving medicine. Her story details the journey of falling in love with medicine, devoting her life to it, and her eventual choice to walk away with it. It's a moving memoir that also portrays how health care is failing not only patients, but doctors. Maggie also blogs regularly at Huffpo and has a new post up today on KevinMD (http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2010/12/health-care-economics-relationship-doctor-patient.html#more-49786).
You can learn more about her book here. I'd be happy to send you a copy if you are interested in reading, and perhaps, writing about the book.
Many thanks for your time
---
Diane Zeigler
Web Strategies & Client Relations
Kimbell Sherman Ellis, LLP
Representing Chelsea Green Publishing
26 State Street, Suite 8
Montpelier, VT 05602
zig@ksefocus.com
phone: 802-229-4900 x 100
cell: 802-839-6520
Hi Diane
Thank you for writing. I believe a copy of the book is already on its way to me, as I was contacted through The Entrepreneurial MD. I am eager to read her story and respond! Happy New Year.
Thanks again
Philippa
Ever since my pregnancy a little over eight years ago, I have been working as a business and career coach to physicians and healthcare folks … and taking my professional role very seriously.
Despite having a home office and theoretical complete control over my working hours, I have worked full-time and used the services of nannies and au pairs to help raise my daughter and manage our household. And that’s not including some help from a housekeeper and a gardener. Yes, it has been a good professional life with plenty of balance… and yet something has been missing.
It finally dawned on me a couple of months ago, as my daughter’s eighth birthday was nearing, that her childhood years are passing all too fast, and that the missing I was feeling was “missing out”! Her childhood was slipping through my fingers like fine sand, only to be washed out to sea forever.
In the face of my entrepreneurial ambition and desire to build a worthwhile and meaningful business, I’ve been confronted by a decision. One that I believe many of you have faced.
To work full-time or not to work full-time? Ah, that is the question for many women physicians.
I’ve been confronting all kinds of fears:
Any of this sound familiar?
I’ve plowed through my anxieties and objections and reached this conclusion:
On my deathbed, I will rue the loss of my daughter’s childhood 1000 times more than the dollars I might stand to make at the level at which I’ve been working!
All of a sudden, it’s a no-brainer.
And the good news is, I’m still going to be a physician business coach and educator. I’m just going to do it a whole lot smarter. I’ll have 7 to 8 hours each day to accomplish my goals and still be there to pick my daughter up from school. What more does a stay-at-home working physician entrepreneur-mom need?
Am I crazy?
[This is a guest post]
“I have lived my entire life to be a hand surgeon. Now that I’m here, I feel burned out and apathetic. Rare is the patient I feel I’ve really helped. So many are chronic pain patients and worker’s compensation patients that don’t want to go back to work.
I left my first practice for a number of reasons and just started my second. I’m now on call for 2 hospitals when I’d rather never set foot in one again.
With decreasing reimbursement and increasing costs, I feel I don’t have the time to give my patients the quality they deserve and the time necessary to avoid missing something. I also feel I can’t take time off. My husband and I want to have children, but the clock is ticking and I’m buried in student loans.
I would love a more flexible schedule, but need to maintain my income for now. What options do I have?”
