“Not Just Women With Families”
[This is a guest post]
I’ve been practicing for 9 years and have basically been miserable the entire time. I’ve worked with career counselors, read tons of blog content and books on career change, and started a couple of masters programs only to discover that they weren’t the answer either. I am continuing to practice because I don’t know what else to do.
I am a woman, but I don’t have a husband or any children. Many of the stories I read from women physicians stress that they quit/want to quit to be with their children or have family time. I just want to quit to maintain my sanity and health. The feeling I sometimes get from the women quitting medicine stories I read is that if you don’t have a husband or children then being unhappy because you have to leave the house at 7 a.m., lose sleep, go through the hassles of practice, etc is ok. Maybe it’s just me, but somehow I feel I’ll be seen as lazy or selfish because I want to quit for reasons that have nothing to do with a current family.
That said, I feel I’ll never have a husband (or even a boyfriend) as long as I stay in this profession. I’m a gynecologist, so I don’t even see men much on a typical day. And, I am single living in a mostly family-oriented place, so eligible men are very hard to come by. But even moving is difficult when you’re a physician in private practice with the tail insurances, etc. I had a brief taste of what it would be to have a family during a recent pregnancy that unfortunately ended in miscarriage. Although it didn’t result in a child, it made me stop and realize all that I want that I don’t have. I feel that I’ll never have these things as long as I stay where I am and keep doing what I’m doing. Afterall, who wants to date or marry someone who’s depressed all the time. I struggle not to feel guilt for wanting to be happy simply because I want to be happy.
Women physicians commit suicide 2.5 times more often then women in general. One study found that single women physicians in the suburbs had the highest rate. I can completely understand this. When I’ve at least been in a relationship, the stress of this profession has felt more manageable. Trying to function in this career without adequate support is very, very difficult and anxiety and depression, I believe, are common outcomes. Isn’t it enough to want to quit purely so that you won’t be anxious and depressed your whole life? If not, then it feels not like becoming a doctor was a good thing, but like I committed a crime that I was unaware I committed and I’ve been given a life sentence without parole.
It’s not just the women with families that are hurting.
