“I am tired of giving more to medicine than my family”
[This is a guest post]
Not sure how to leave a guest post. I stumbled upon this blog site.
I’m sitting here in tears as I feel like I’m reading all of my feelings, fears, bitterness that are being expressed by similar women. I am at that point where I am ready to quite. I just took a new position 7 months ago with a promise that my personal life would not be compromised. That was BS. I’ve actually given more to my job than I’ve given to my family and I AM TIRED OF IT!!! My 16 month old deserves his mommy more than my patients. My husband deserves to be more than a ship passing in the night.
I do still enjoy medicine, but I HATE what it has become. I think primary care is a joke. How do you say you are making a difference in someone’s life when in < 15 minutes you’re pushing more and more pills on them and not truly getting to the root problem. I see my collegues and they look worn out at such a young age. I REFUSE!!!!
Thanks for letting me rant. I know there is something out there for me and I thank you for giving me this resource to share and to learn. God Bless.
- Primary care needs more than 15 minutes for patients (kevinmd.com)
Women leaving medicine - a wealth of untapped training and experience?
The third bullet point in the Women Leaving Medicine Manifesto strikes at the heart of my real concern.
Image by Getty Images via @daylife
“Women leaving medicine represent a great wealth of training and experience that must be tapped, to continue to benefit society”.
When women leave their time-gobbling medical practices or drop out after a grueling residency, society loses out.
While families — children, elderly parents, siblings — may benefit (as may the physician herself even if she isn’t caring for a family), the huge investment of time, energy and money that went into a medical education and establishing a practice is wasted.
Or so it seems to the onlooker, and even to the physician herself who is often riddled with guilt and confusion.
This loss is most unfortunate in a time when the healthcare system is straining at the seams and talk of impending physician shortages is widespread.
Just what’s at stake here?
- the physician’s mental, emotional and physical well-being
- the security and integrity of her family — the infant still forming attachments, the toddler in search of new independence knowing that his mommy is there to back him up, the elementary school kid struggling with homework, the adolescent craving support as she navigates the minefields of middle and high school, her mom’s early-onset dementia dad is having to cope with, her dad’s colon cancer that is causing mom and her siblings to fall apart
- the physician’s financial situation should she choose to quit medical practice - unrelenting medical school debt repayment, loss of income to the family
- the health and welfare of a society that is under stress due to overwork, underemployment, poor lifestyle choices, increasingly sedentary occupations and leisure choices, information overload … you name it!
In this blog, I hope to explore along with you, what opportunities we have as individual women physicians and as a community or society to address this problem.
I guess my first questions are:
- Is there indeed a problem?
- Do the women leaving medicine really care if their ‘brain trusts’ and years of experience lie fallow for the years they take off?
- And if so, how should we respond?
What are your thoughts?
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- Americans will need doctors but physicians are leaving primary care (kevinmd.com)
- The Bureaucratic Doctor (lifescript.com)
“Not Just Women With Families”
[This is a guest post]
I’ve been practicing for 9 years and have basically been miserable the entire time. I’ve worked with career counselors, read tons of blog content and books on career change, and started a couple of masters programs only to discover that they weren’t the answer either. I am continuing to practice because I don’t know what else to do.
I am a woman, but I don’t have a husband or any children. Many of the stories I read from women physicians stress that they quit/want to quit to be with their children or have family time. I just want to quit to maintain my sanity and health. The feeling I sometimes get from the women quitting medicine stories I read is that if you don’t have a husband or children then being unhappy because you have to leave the house at 7 a.m., lose sleep, go through the hassles of practice, etc is ok. Maybe it’s just me, but somehow I feel I’ll be seen as lazy or selfish because I want to quit for reasons that have nothing to do with a current family.
That said, I feel I’ll never have a husband (or even a boyfriend) as long as I stay in this profession. I’m a gynecologist, so I don’t even see men much on a typical day. And, I am single living in a mostly family-oriented place, so eligible men are very hard to come by. But even moving is difficult when you’re a physician in private practice with the tail insurances, etc. I had a brief taste of what it would be to have a family during a recent pregnancy that unfortunately ended in miscarriage. Although it didn’t result in a child, it made me stop and realize all that I want that I don’t have. I feel that I’ll never have these things as long as I stay where I am and keep doing what I’m doing. Afterall, who wants to date or marry someone who’s depressed all the time. I struggle not to feel guilt for wanting to be happy simply because I want to be happy.
Women physicians commit suicide 2.5 times more often then women in general. One study found that single women physicians in the suburbs had the highest rate. I can completely understand this. When I’ve at least been in a relationship, the stress of this profession has felt more manageable. Trying to function in this career without adequate support is very, very difficult and anxiety and depression, I believe, are common outcomes. Isn’t it enough to want to quit purely so that you won’t be anxious and depressed your whole life? If not, then it feels not like becoming a doctor was a good thing, but like I committed a crime that I was unaware I committed and I’ve been given a life sentence without parole.
It’s not just the women with families that are hurting.
“I have a choice”
[This is a guest post]
Perhaps it’s an existential crisis. I had a baby in residency and everything changed. I’m realizing more and more now that motherhood brings a certain clarity to the female physician that could never be found otherwise, despite hours upon hours of scouring the medical literature to be “the best” doctor she could be.
Here I am, at last, finishing my residency. I have reached the end of my training and am ready to finally achieve my dream of being a doctor “when I grow up.” Since I was 5 years old, I’ve been chasing this goal. All those years of education, the countless sacrifices, the treacherous loans…I’ve survived it all, made everyone proud. Yes sir, I was determined to prove that I could have it all. Sure, I can be a doctor and be a mom—people do it all the time. But it never occurred to me that these people may not be happy.
I have been very fortunate. I did well in school, got into medical school on the first try, met my husband in medical school, had a fantastic wedding, “couples matched” into one of our top choices for residency, and had quiet possibly the easiest pregnancy and labor course of anyone I know. I feel like I’ve been on cruise control my whole life, each next step being rather predictable and quite easily achieved. Then, I became a mom.
You really cannot understand the love a mother has for her child until you become one yourself. Suddenly, I have a new sense of purpose. No longer is my life centered around my lofty career goals. I just want more than anything else to be a good mom. Easy enough, I thought. But then I went back to work.
I work anywhere from 10 hours a day (on a good day) to 13 hours a day. I take call for 24 hours about 4 or 5 weekends out of 6. On the bad days, I get maybe 30 minutes a day with my daughter. I feel like my parents and in-laws (who have graciously traveled far and away to help us out) know my daughter better than I do. And I am heartbroken about it all. Sure, I am beyond grateful that she is with family while my husband and I work our lives away. But I feel trapped by my choice to be a doctor. I simply cannot be the kind of mother I want to be while doing this job.
Now for the great debate: what am I going to do next year? I have to wait on my husband to finish his residency (his is one year longer than mine) and then we plan to move, so any job I get will be very short-term. What I want to do more than anything is stay home with my baby. I’ve never taken any time off (ie: between college and med school) and we think we could scrape by for a year if I did it.
There of course is a lot of fear associated with this thought process, but perhaps the biggest fear is, what if I never want to go back? Will I have done all of this for nothing? What will my peers think (I am already facing a lot of resistance with my closest colleagues, most of which do not have children).
I don’t know what the right answer is. But I am glad that I’ve found a network on here that understands EXACTLY what I am going through. Thank you for starting this website, Philippa.
“My children come first”
[This is a guest post]
I really hope this website takes off. I left medicine about two and half years ago after having my fourth child. My children are now involved in many activities which I believe they wouldn’t be able to do if I still worked. ( there is no way I would be able to get them to 5:30 practices) Watching my kids play their sports is my biggest joy. Might sound lame but it is way more important to me than my career was. My employer wasn’t willing to accommodate my need to be more available to my children so I didn’t return after my maternity leave. I do think about going back but quite honestly I just don’t want to do it anymore.
I am looking forward to more insight from this site. I hope it is a success.
Women physicians - keepers of the family flame
The second bullet point in the Women Leaving Medicine Manifesto is “women physicians have the right to nurture their families to the extent they desire”.
Parents age and get frail.
Babies need nursing and nurture.
Kids act out when their parental attachment is threatened.
And physicians, both men and women, flame out in the absence of self-care.
Fundamental to being human are the “Maslow’s needs” of adequate sleep, love and belonging, and security and well-being of the family. These may be counterbalanced by needs such as financial security and self-respect — both of which may be challenged by the decision to quit medical practice for an alternative non-clinical career or to step away entirely from the workplace.
Ultimately, the decision to stick it out or to quit medical practice for at least a period of time is deeply personal.
An article titled “But will it make you happy?” in the New York Times this weekend scratched the itch that I have been feeling to downsize , declutter, simplify my life. In response, I spent 4 hours cleaning our junk from the garage yesterday. Talk about experiences bringing happiness! Despite my aching muscles and dusty nose, I felt hugely satisfied last night.
Why bring this up?
Because I believe we are making our decisions about work versus staying home with the family way too complicated.
And what the N.Y. Times article implies is that we are not very good at figuring out what makes us truly happy. We work hard, we acquire, we own, we want to give our kids more, we fear the loss of our standard of living, we suffer!
As a family member and member of the human race, you - dear Dr. MD - have the right to know, prioritize and act according to your core values.
The indomitable Eleanor Roosevelt, whom I greatly admire, offered two pieces of wisdom that inspire my stubbornness when I am worried about what others will think:
Image via Wikipedia
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
and…
Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.
What do you really, really want?
What are you willing to do to make “it” happen?
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- The Bureaucratic Doctor (lifescript.com)
Slowing the Physician Brain Drain
I wrote my Women Leaving Medicine Manifesto with the encouragement of a small Mastermind group I’ve belonged to this summer.
Since the Manifesto represents my most pared-down thinking on a big topic, I plan to write a series of articles, each dedicated to one point of the document.
So here goes…
Point Number 1: Slowing the Physician Brain Drain is vital to the well-being of our society.
As a family physician who quit clinical practice over a decade ago, I am part of the group of doctors who have left medical practice in increasing numbers for any number of reasons.
Frustration - “too much red tape”, inadequate business training and skills
Lack of professional satisfaction
Lifestyle challenges
Unable to make ends meet (yes, it’s surprising to hear how many doctors quit practice because their overhead, including student loan debt and malpractice insurance, exceeds their practice revenues)
Burn-out
Boredom
While it serves my coaching business to help physicians transition successfully from practice to new and exciting non-clinical careers or entrepreneurial business ventures, I am increasingly troubled by what life will be like when there aren’t enough doctors around to take care of our future medical needs.
Sure, as a physician, I and my family are likely to be able to get excellent medical care should we need it, but what about the less fortunate, or the jobless? And what about the quality of care?
I believe that we must find ways to help physicians stay in clinical practice, and to remake medicine into the once-enticing profession for intelligent and driven young people that it was. Even if doctors choose to work only part-time.
And this work must:
- be emotionally rewarding
- be efficient, as opposed to pen-pushing, wasteful, redundant “busy work” (more than anything else, this is what drove me out of practice)
- offer intellectual stimulation, along with the opportunity for personal growth
- respect the needs of the clinician to attend to the personal demands on his or her time
- be financially rewarding
- be designed creatively to take advantage of the huge array of technological tools we now have, enabling people to work virtually at least some of the time
- restore the trust and “magic” of the beneficent doctor-patient relationship about which I recall taking an oath way too many years ago in medical school!
We can’t sustain this loss of doctors for long.
How can we physicians help stem the brain drain?
- Tom Silva: The Other Health Care Crisis (huffingtonpost.com)
“There are no coincidences!”
[This is a Guest Post]
“thank you ….the universe is always guiding me…and i will be very honest:
i have been out of an IM residency only six years. throughout medical school and residency i felt uncertain/not confident in my knowledge base of medicine, but i chose im by default…nothing else jumped out at me. outpatient clinic during residency was a huge disappointment (seeing pts every 10-15 minutes was not what i signed up for)….so i postponed actually practicing for about 4 yrs, and then i only got into it as nutritional/lifestyle change coach. nonetheless, i started practicing in an inner-city medicaid clinic, but after a year and a half….I’M DONE. I’M DONE, DONE, DONE!! i loved touching my pts…i loved talking to them and teaching/counseling….but i don’t care about m11q’s, disability forms, and potassium levels…..and i especially hate that these things took me away from my husband and my two babies. i was just another worker-bee, clearly fighting the hustle everyone else had down pat. but even though my heart left medicine 6 yrs ago…i feel scared to leave…..what the heck am i going to do? how am i going to help people now? if medicine was the noblest of professions, am i done for? this is all i have known since the 10th grade…..
i will end the ramble now…thank you for your patience….warmly, -yc”
Welcome to “Women Leaving Medicine”
You may be wondering why there’s yet another blog littering cyberspace.
If I knew any other way to do this, I’d be onto it! But I don’t, so here goes…
For the last eight years, I have worked as a physician business and career coach, helping my physician clients search their souls and then master the steps of leaving clinical practice or starting a new business.
I chose this non-clinical career in part because I was sick of clinical practice and hospital administration, and in part because I became a mom for the first time at a very ripe age. You’d call me a very elderly primip!!
I didn’t want to be leaving the house at 7 AM, getting back by 6 on a good evening, and handing over the raising of my child to someone else.
Many of my women physician clients, friends and colleagues are stuck with situations that look just that — leaving early, returning home late, arranging rides to and from school, making sure the cupboard isn’t bare … and on and on. I am sure you have your own horror tales to share.
While I still love my “entrepreneurial MD” coaching, I have been feeling something stirring inside me. I no longer want to be helping physicians leave medicine only because they are unhappy in practice.
I want to support physicians — women physicians — through the often very painful decision as to whether to quit medical practice while helping them discover the many options of making a difference to their communities and the larger society.
We shouldn’t have to relinquish all our hard-won education and experience just because we want to raise healthy happy children. Or care for ailing parents. Should we?
I know I want to continue contributing in ways that work for me … not at the expense of my personal life. How about you?
You represent a wealth of ideas and experience and I would like us to join forces. Let’s raise our voices together in service of better choices for women leaving medicine, for all their various reasons. Let’s not waste all that talent.
Please read the Women Leaving Medicine Manifesto and tell me if you agree. We can add any missing essentials.
