FRUSTRATED OB
[This is a guest post]
“I’ll make this quick because I know we all have other things we need to do BUT I have got to get this off of my chest! I am really angry and frustrated that I have almost no professional satisfaction despite putting in so much time and effort to get to this point!
We work so hard to become established docs in our communities. I didn’t marry and have children until I was 38. Now, I absolutely dread going to work. Don’t get me wrong. I love practicing medicine. I still love women’s health. It’s HOW I do it that I don’t love at all. I’m in a group practice. I’m all about working smarter and not harder but I’m in the minority.
Briefly, the partners do not agree on how to run this practice. I had thought a group practice would be better for me as far as my personal life, but I’m learning a hard lesson that it doesn’t seem to be so. And I won’t even go into the decline in reimbursement and increase in liability.
I don’t want to leave OB/GYN completely, but I’m having a hard time reconciling it with my family life (and I know I’m not the only one). Short of starting my own solo practice (which is a whole different issue), I don’t feel that I have many other options. Whew! Thanks for letting me share.”
“IMG in NV trying to fit in USA life style”
[This is a guest post]
“Hi :
I am a 42 year old Radiologist (since 1998) who 5 years ago immigrated from South America to USA (my husband was transferred), mom of a beautiful and smart 11 years old girl. I had obligatory quit my job as a MD for obvious reasons. Actually dealing with so much stress because I decided to take my USMLE Tests to get my license here, but after 20 years I earned my bachelor degree (1990) it is kind of steep for me…even though I keep working hard everyday .Sometimes a huge question attack my thoughts …because, I am considered an old IMG (international medical graduate - PK addition), what else can I do if I can’t get into a residency? I can’t find any clear answer to this specific question, could you help me to find out if there is any light after this tunnel?. I really do appreciate it.
Thanks”
“Childless Pediatrician Seeks Career Change”
[This is a guest post]
“I’ve been practicing pediatrics for about 17 years. Now approaching 50, and childless, I find it harder and harder every day to remain in pediatrics. Emotionally it has become increasingly difficult for me to see newborn infants and to counsel first-time parents. Nursery rounds send me into a tailspin. In the primary care setting, when giving anticipatory guidance, many parents react with astonishment to learn I am a pediatrician with no children of my own. My ‘expertise’ is suddenly questioned.
I always wanted to have children, whether biological or adopted. In my childbearing years, I had no spouse and I chose not to be a single parent. I did not meet my fiance until age 46.
I have contemplated leaving medicine entirely. If I so much as attempt to discuss this with anyone, the typical response is: “Are you crazy? You’re a DOCTOR. The top of the food chain! All the years of education and training would be wasted. How could you throw away your career?”
Frankly, if I do hang up the stethoscope, I have no idea what I would do next. I do know that I’m tired of trying to practice good medicine in a typical 15-minute primary care visit, I’m tired of the intrusions of being on-call, and the “mommy calls” are throwing me over the edge. I’ve had a good, solid, career until now. For me, leaving medicine is now a matter of self-preservation.
Where is the lifeline? Where do I turn? I’m interested in connecting with other women who have re-invented their lives after medicine.
Thanks for listening.”
I’d love to see a discussion board on this site!
[This is a guest post]
Hello,
I am touched as I read through the stories submitted thus far. I left my psychiatry practice three years ago after becoming seriously ill. I know my illness was a direct result of my lifestyle in my 30’s— I was either pregnant or breastfeeding for the entire decade while simultaneously working as a medical director and supporting my husband while he went through the trials and tribulations of medical school/residency…. I was completely burned out …
Since then, I have rested, felt guilty, and have experienced both happiness and confusion.I became certified as a life coach, and yet STILL continue to explore how I can best utilize my strengths and talents. I continue to struggle…
I am delighted with the steps I have taken thus far, and even more appreciative of the time I now have with my kids… it is awesome. Yet, I want to create, explore and give in a way I haven’t yet done.
I think a discussion board would be great for us to support and care for each other as we improve our life, one turtle step at a time.
“Not Just Women With Families”
[This is a guest post]
I’ve been practicing for 9 years and have basically been miserable the entire time. I’ve worked with career counselors, read tons of blog content and books on career change, and started a couple of masters programs only to discover that they weren’t the answer either. I am continuing to practice because I don’t know what else to do.
I am a woman, but I don’t have a husband or any children. Many of the stories I read from women physicians stress that they quit/want to quit to be with their children or have family time. I just want to quit to maintain my sanity and health. The feeling I sometimes get from the women quitting medicine stories I read is that if you don’t have a husband or children then being unhappy because you have to leave the house at 7 a.m., lose sleep, go through the hassles of practice, etc is ok. Maybe it’s just me, but somehow I feel I’ll be seen as lazy or selfish because I want to quit for reasons that have nothing to do with a current family.
That said, I feel I’ll never have a husband (or even a boyfriend) as long as I stay in this profession. I’m a gynecologist, so I don’t even see men much on a typical day. And, I am single living in a mostly family-oriented place, so eligible men are very hard to come by. But even moving is difficult when you’re a physician in private practice with the tail insurances, etc. I had a brief taste of what it would be to have a family during a recent pregnancy that unfortunately ended in miscarriage. Although it didn’t result in a child, it made me stop and realize all that I want that I don’t have. I feel that I’ll never have these things as long as I stay where I am and keep doing what I’m doing. Afterall, who wants to date or marry someone who’s depressed all the time. I struggle not to feel guilt for wanting to be happy simply because I want to be happy.
Women physicians commit suicide 2.5 times more often then women in general. One study found that single women physicians in the suburbs had the highest rate. I can completely understand this. When I’ve at least been in a relationship, the stress of this profession has felt more manageable. Trying to function in this career without adequate support is very, very difficult and anxiety and depression, I believe, are common outcomes. Isn’t it enough to want to quit purely so that you won’t be anxious and depressed your whole life? If not, then it feels not like becoming a doctor was a good thing, but like I committed a crime that I was unaware I committed and I’ve been given a life sentence without parole.
It’s not just the women with families that are hurting.
“I have a choice”
[This is a guest post]
Perhaps it’s an existential crisis. I had a baby in residency and everything changed. I’m realizing more and more now that motherhood brings a certain clarity to the female physician that could never be found otherwise, despite hours upon hours of scouring the medical literature to be “the best” doctor she could be.
Here I am, at last, finishing my residency. I have reached the end of my training and am ready to finally achieve my dream of being a doctor “when I grow up.” Since I was 5 years old, I’ve been chasing this goal. All those years of education, the countless sacrifices, the treacherous loans…I’ve survived it all, made everyone proud. Yes sir, I was determined to prove that I could have it all. Sure, I can be a doctor and be a mom—people do it all the time. But it never occurred to me that these people may not be happy.
I have been very fortunate. I did well in school, got into medical school on the first try, met my husband in medical school, had a fantastic wedding, “couples matched” into one of our top choices for residency, and had quiet possibly the easiest pregnancy and labor course of anyone I know. I feel like I’ve been on cruise control my whole life, each next step being rather predictable and quite easily achieved. Then, I became a mom.
You really cannot understand the love a mother has for her child until you become one yourself. Suddenly, I have a new sense of purpose. No longer is my life centered around my lofty career goals. I just want more than anything else to be a good mom. Easy enough, I thought. But then I went back to work.
I work anywhere from 10 hours a day (on a good day) to 13 hours a day. I take call for 24 hours about 4 or 5 weekends out of 6. On the bad days, I get maybe 30 minutes a day with my daughter. I feel like my parents and in-laws (who have graciously traveled far and away to help us out) know my daughter better than I do. And I am heartbroken about it all. Sure, I am beyond grateful that she is with family while my husband and I work our lives away. But I feel trapped by my choice to be a doctor. I simply cannot be the kind of mother I want to be while doing this job.
Now for the great debate: what am I going to do next year? I have to wait on my husband to finish his residency (his is one year longer than mine) and then we plan to move, so any job I get will be very short-term. What I want to do more than anything is stay home with my baby. I’ve never taken any time off (ie: between college and med school) and we think we could scrape by for a year if I did it.
There of course is a lot of fear associated with this thought process, but perhaps the biggest fear is, what if I never want to go back? Will I have done all of this for nothing? What will my peers think (I am already facing a lot of resistance with my closest colleagues, most of which do not have children).
I don’t know what the right answer is. But I am glad that I’ve found a network on here that understands EXACTLY what I am going through. Thank you for starting this website, Philippa.
“I’ll be up at midnight for MY child”
[This is a guest contribution]
years ago i felt very trapped in the post-residency physician rat race after having my first child. i felt like i had no choice but to continue sacrificing for others (ie) my patients, my employers/”partners” etc etc instead of living my life for myself and those i cared most for in life, my husband and children. my child at the time was spending close to 10 hrs in daycare everyday as i toiled away in the office getting paid peanuts as a primary care doctor. and then come to find out after 3 years of employment the office wanted me to work harder to make partnernership??? that’s when i had enough….enough of this BS that somehow it’s ok for physicians to sacrifice their 20’s 30’s for the greater good of mankind. and now i was being asked to sacrifice more family time to work harder for my practice and it’s patients??? i quit…i quit…i quit. i quit with no other plan in place but to be at the beck and call of none other than my children. if someone needs me at midnight it’s going to be MY children not a patient. if i’m tired the next day because i was up all night taking care of someone it’s going to be MY child, not a patient.
